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November 26, 2012 Have you ever  heard of “rose colored glasses”, ” the glass is half full” , well this is the time of year…more

November 26, 2012
Have you ever  heard of “rose colored glasses”, ” the glass is half full” , well this is the time of year to look at things more positively and celebrate all the good. If you need some ideas to achieve this state, read this article.

 

christmas tree in forest

bright lights for bright life

By Joy R. Calderwood

The holidays can bring out the best or worst in people.  When in the right mood, the season can become downright festive and fun.  That is a worthy goal for anyone.  On the downside, though, threats of fun-spoiling circumstances may be lurking in the shadows ready to ruin the mood.

There’s nothing worse than feeling you need to think up an excuse for not attending an event because you want to avoid meeting up with a certain person that will be there.  Damaging events from the past can cause anyone to become self-protective.  For some, it may seem more inviting to make other plans than to risk spending long periods of time in the same room as toxic or dysfunctional family members.  So just how does a person survive family get-togethers?  How do you deck the halls and stay jolly during the holiday season?

There’s no easy answer, but here are a few tips to think about:

  1. Tell Yourself It’s Not All About You:  Sometimes being defensive is what drives      rifts in relationships or causes someone to say something they may regret      later.  Defensive feelings are often      derived from personal insecurities, unmet expectations, jealousy and even      fear of conflict.  Remember, others      have their own set of personal challenges they’re dealing with.  Get rid of the idea that the world      revolves around you.  The season is      meant to be special for everyone.       Show up and be pleasant.  If      things happen, or unkind words are said, don’t take them personally.

 

  1. Overlook the Bad: Anyone can      become cranky or angry when preparing for guests or trying to get to a      party on time only to have something interfere.  Maybe the waterline breaks, the car      fails to start, the oven quits working, the dish that took hours to      prepare falls on the floor, the cat throws up, the broccoli overcooks, and      so on.  At any moment you, can      decide if you’ll be overcome or if you’ll overcome the problem.  When bad things happen, take a step back      to relax.  Remind yourself what      really matters, brainstorm solutions, and come up with a new plan.  Focus on the idea that good can come      from any trial.  Don’t let trials      defeat you.  If your guests decide      to let the situation ruin their happiness, that is their problem to deal      with.  Accept that you’ve done your      best and move forward.
  2. Be Willing to Start Fresh:  It makes sense that if someone has hurt      your feelings or been antagonistic toward you in the past that you would      want to avoid them in the future.       Knowing how to set boundaries is important.  When meeting up again, view it as a      brand new encounter.  Don’t carry      grudges into the event.  Choose to      be confident in who you are.  Be polite      and avoid dangerous paths.  Steer      conversations away from hot topics.       Have a plan ready should you need to excuse yourself if tension is      mounting.  Casually remove yourself      if you feel a the fuse has become lit.

 

Look for the Good:  Focus on the purpose of the season or gathering instead of dissecting the relationships therein.  Enjoy the sights, sounds and scents of the season.  Look for the good in the people gathered.  Compliment a person on their cooking,


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